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Update: Aug 17, 2009 @ 01:34 GMT UK School System Requires All Teenagers Get Certification In Knowing How To Catch A Bus So students who can't get certified in anything else won't feel bad
Students in Greater Manchester, UK, will need to achieve certification
in , "Using Public Transport (Unit 1)" which recognizes a teenager's
ability to catch a public bus. Specifically,
It has to be extremely embarrassing though for students who don't get qualified. Says one teenager, “At first I thought I’d got some sort of GCSE early. But when I read out the details to the family we all fell about laughing. " Now that they've been globally ridiculed, the Authority says they somehow suddenly came to realize that they used all the wrong words for the certification requirements. We award them certification in "Using Back Peddling (Unit 1)." In other news, the lowest possible point in "dummying down" has been discovered in the UK. The Telegraph (UK) 13-Aug-09 Click here for the original story
Man Who Stole iPods From Work Posted Ads At The Store He Stole Them From, Police Said Dumb AdSS!
A Great Falls, Montana, man, Remo Spencer, who stole several
iPods and computers from the Wal-Mart store he worked
at, posted them for sale on the store's employee bulletin
board, according to police and the store security cameras. The Billings Gazette (Billings, Montana) 22-Apr-09 Click here for the original story
Red Cross Workers Tell Injured Bleeding Runner They Aren't Allowed To Use Adhesive Bandages And Antiseptic Because It's Too Dangerous Said they would have to remove their uniforms to comply. Wait. What? An "unclear on the concept," bonehead award goes to two Red Cross workers in Yorkshire Dales, UK, who told an injured and bleeding runner that they were not allowed to provide Band-Aids (plasters) and antiseptic because of the allergic reaction potential. Obviously better to risk infection. "I couldn't believe it. I was bleeding quite heavily at the time," said Mr. Dickinson, the injured runner. "One of them said he could give me a plaster if he took his uniform off, but the other said he better not." A refreshment stand employee tended to his injuries instead. What possible reason did the Red Cross pair think they were sent there for, with medical kit in hand, if not to provide first aid to injured people using these very same items in the medical kit? And what says the Red Cross? The volunteers are provided with kits containing these items for such incidents and apparently the pair is not clear on the Red Cross policy. You think? Sounds like a mental health volunteer may need to be included along with the Red Cross first aid volunteers at events. The Telegraph (UK) 26-Jul-09 Click here for the original story Could Anyone Be Stupid Enough To Believe That The Hotel Wants Them To Break The Room Window With The Toilet Tank? Yes. And they also broke through the wall believing they had to rescue the guy in the next room. But alas, there is no rescue from stupidity.
Would you believe that anyone could be stupid enough to believe a
caller, claiming to be a hotel staff member, who says that smashing the
window with the toilet tank is the only way to avoid death from a gas
leak? And who says you must smash the mirror
and break a hole in the wall because the man next door needs
to be rescued? If not, please meet Mark and Lisa Kantoriski who did some $10,000 damage to their Hilton Garden Inn room in Orlando Florida, after following the caller's instructions. What were they thinking? "When I broke the window, I got suspicious. It didn't seem right, but she (Lisa) was panicking, so I continued." There. That's what they were thinking.. The police said the couple cannot be arrested because the two believed they were responding to an emergency. Or to put it another way, there's no law against stupidity. This is but the latest in a string of damage instigated by prank callers in the US. We reported a case of some $50,000 damage done by a hotel clerk who was told that completely destroying the lobby and breaking the sprinkler head was the only way to keep the sprinkler system from activating. See it here. The article cites other cases, like the Arkansas motel employee who did $50K damage to "test" the emergency alarms. NEWS.co.au (Australia) 9-Jul-09 Click here for the original story Update: July 6, 2009 @ 23:54 GMT "I'm Too Tared To Cross The
Street." Watch Lazy People Stuck Like Flies While
Trying To Get Around Those Pesky Tar Spreaders Blocking The Crosswalk Why do people, seeing a number of large trucks spreading tar on the road, never-the-less decide that there would be no problem running across the road? So we can watch them on the Internet! A 1:15 video. UK Refuses To Release
Names Of 39 Escaped Prisoners, Citing Privacy Protection. Releasing
Victim's Names Still OK You
whipped out your "Freedom of Information Act" but I completely
blocked it with the power of my "Data Protection Acts!" Suck it UK citizens. The UK Ministry of Justice is refusing to provide the names of 39 escaped prisoners from the Hollesley Bay open prison, saying that doing so would breach UK data protection laws, despite a request under the Freedom of Information Act. "It is the general policy of the Ministry of Justice not to disclose, to a third party, personal information about another person." Do you remember when we worried about being the victim of a lack of privacy? BBC 3-Jul-09 Click here for original story Update: July 4, 2009 @ 14:54 GMT UK Schools Ban Parents
From Attending Athletic Events Because A Parent Could Be A Pedophile
"If we let
parents into the school they would have been free to roam the grounds" said Paul Blunt of the East
Bedfordshire School Sports Partnership. "The ultimate fear is that a
child is hurt or abducted, and we must take all measures possible to
prevent that." Update: June 12, 2009 @ 02:21 GMT Caller Tells Hotel Clerk She Has To Smash All Lobby Windows & Snap Sprinkler Head. Clerk
Replies, "I'm Not That Stupid!" Only Kidding.
$50,000 In Damages Ensue Who could possibly be stupid
enough to obey, without a thought, an
anonymous caller who gives orders to immediately turn on the hotel fire
alarm, smash all the lobby windows, break off a sprinkler head and shut
off the electricity, to prevent the sprinkler system from turning on?
Why, Conway, Arkansas, Holiday Inn Express front desk clerk,
Christina Bergmann, and hotel guest, Rusty Brown, that's who!
The caller had tried this
earlier with a Little Rock Arkansas, Holiday Inn Express, where, of
course, nobody was stupid enough to fall for it.
The police report contains all the details. Click the link below. Conway Arkansas Police Report
6-Jun-09
Update: June 6, 2009 @ 20:01 GMT Woman Sues Quaker Oats
Because She Thought A Captain Crunch Crunchberry Was A Real Berry And
She Learned It Isn't Janine Sugawara of California
was shocked to learn that the
"crunchberries" in Captain Crunch Crunchberries cereal are not
real berries. She had been eating them for better health for four
years.  Whilst most people would be too
embarrassed to tell anyone
they had believed such a stupid thing, Sugawara went
and filed a class action lawsuit against Quaker Oats, claiming that
they purposely deceived "reasonable" people into believing that
crunchberries were a real fruit. Can you have a "class" of
one?
While we are all fed up by the number of stupid lawsuits which are allowed to progress, and which often end with ridiculous awards, our hero, US District Judge, Morrison C. England, Jr., immediately dismissed the suit writing, "Under normal circumstances, when
this Court grants a Motion to Dismiss, the Plaintiff is given a
reasonable period of time, usually twenty (20) days, in which to file
an amended complaint. In this case, however, it is simply impossible
for Plaintiff to file an amended complaint stating a claim based upon
these facts. The survival of the instant claim would require this Court
to ignore all concepts of personal responsibility and common sense.The Court has no intention of
allowing that to happen."
The specific reasons for the dismissal include:
Update: June 1, 2009 @
23:03 GMT Genetically Modified
What? Don't Ask Me. I'll Let The World's Worst Speaker Describe It To
You The world's worst speaker
discusses modern genetics. 17
second video. Not safe for work without headphones.
Update: May 31, 2009 @
18:39 GMT Ask A Baltimore Police
Officer For Directions? You Better Believe Your Butt
Is Going To Be Hauled In A
young couple, Joshua Kelly and Llara Brook, of Chantilly, Virginia,
found themselves lost while driving in Baltimore, Maryland.
They were relieved, of course, when they spotted a police cruiser.
When "officer" Preston spotted them asking another officer for directions she decided to bite. She stepped between the couple and the other officer snarling, "My partner is not going to step in front of me and tell you directions if I'm not." Then she fetched their butts to the station where they remained locked up for "trespassing." "It was a nightmare," said Brook. "In jail for 8 hours. Sleeping on a concrete floor next to a toilet." Wrong one, wrong type of pound Kelly's car was sent to the police car pound where the police left it both unlocked and with the windows down. Stuff, of course, was stolen from the car. Brook's parents are both Pennsylvania police officers. We'll follow this story and report updates. Article has video interview with victims. WBAL TV (Baltimore, MD) 17-May-09 Click here to see original story Update: May 31, 2009 @
01:40 GMT Russian Warship
Mistakenly Deploys A Full Attack Salvo On A Small Village.
Frack: The Only Damage Was A Broken Car Window A Russian warship, during naval
training, accidentally executed an attack
salvo against a small Russian Village. The attack included ten
rockets.
And they missed. Good thing they are not just incompetent, but damn incompetent. MosNews (Russia) 30-May-09 Click here to see original story Council Lifts Legally
Parked Car. Paints No Parking. Tows Car. Denies Towing It For
3 Weeks. Charges $3.3K Fine For Not Paying Fine Quickly Lambeth council workers in the UK lifted Ruth Ducker's Volkswagen Golf, where it was legally parked, in a spot that had always been a legal parking spot, painted no parking lines underneath it, placed the car back down and then later came and towed it away for being illegally parked! And then it gets dumb. Ms. Ducker had no idea where her car had gone. The council denied for 3 weeks any knowledge of having had it towed. When finally realizing they had taken it, they charged her a $1,200 penalty for waiting over 3 weeks to pay the fine! The fine grew to about $3.3K before a member of Parliament intervened on her behalf and the fines were dropped. Residents were not warned about the change ahead of time. The council says it was a communication issue as in not understanding the common advice, "don't act like a bunch of schmucks." Daily Mail (UK) 28-May-09 Click here to see original story Update: May 22, 2009 @ 20:01 GMT A: 500 Ruble Note. Q:
Which Banknote, Meant To Display The Solovetsky Monastery, Instead
Displays The Solovetsky Death Camp?
"We feel pain for veterans and
for the people who died in these damned death camps," said
a 72-year-old north Russian resident, when speaking of the new 500
ruble Russian note.
The crosses, which were atop the Solovetsky monastery, were removed when the monastery was was turned into a death camp in 1926. The banknote picture shows the building without the crosses. "Our banknote is the only note in the world with a picture of a World War II concentration camp!" MosNews (Russia) 22-May-09 Click here for original story Dr. Uses Home Power Drill
To Save Boy's Life Because The Local Hospital Doesn't Have The Right
Tools. Wait! What? Riding a bike is all fun and
games until someone needs the power drill. Update: May 16, 2009 @ 14:29 GMT Bone Chips Some bone chips in the
fractured
world of boneheads:
Don't Go To War With The
Internet. Pirate Bay Prosecuting Attorneys Experience A `Denial Of
Dollars' Attack. You Don't Want One An interesting extra report For those not up on it, The Pirate Bay is a Swedish web
site which makes available a host of .torrent files which, when used
with software supporting the BitTorrent protocol,
permits super fast downloading of files from multiple sources
simultaneously. For some reason the music industry has a problem with
this and at their urging Swedish police arrested The Pirate Bay founder
for copyright violations (Yarrgh matey, ye've been boarded!). The music
industry won, The Pirate Bay was found guilty, but with legal
appeals still to be had. The Pirate Bay is one of the most
popular sites on the Internet. While the media is forcing our focus to the Somali pirates who attack using the seas to reach their victims, a new breed of pirates are quietly emerging who attack using the sea of Internet data to reach their victims. Untold numbers of Internet users became enraged at the guilty ruling and, as expected, the prosecuting attorneys have became a focus of their ire. One outcome is that the prosecuting attorneys, Danowsky & Partners, have become subjected to a "Denial of Dollars Attack" (DDo$), an idea dreamed up by Pirate Bay founder, Gottfrid Svartholm. The attack financially and administratively burdens the attacked via the process, ironically, of sending them money, temporarily. Sending the attorneys 1 SEK (about 13 cents) via their Internet payment service, internet-avgift, results in a 2 SEK service charge (about 26 cents) so that each 13 cents they receive results in a 13 cent loss. And then it gets bad. Not only is the firm burdened with the fees, but they are burdened with the overhead of handling the flood of payments and then handling the subsequent requests for refunds of the original 13 cents. Under Swedish law they must return the money if requested and the firm does not receive back their 26 cent service charge. With the number of outraged Internet users this can quickly cost a fortune and lock down the firm in paperwork perhaps even impeding their ability to fight an appeal. There is no mention of what affect this has had so far on Danowsky & Partners so here's a pirate joke. Q: What is Captain Hook's favorite store? A: The Secondhand Shop! The Register 12-May-09 Click here for original story Update: May 9, 2009 @ 16:27 GMT Angry That The Packaged Pizza You Bought Has No Topping? Better Turn It Over Before Calling In A Complaint Funny complaint recording. Then it was the store's fault, of course, for not having an arrow on the box Upside down logic
Actual recording of a complaint phoned in by a man who bought a packaged pizza at a supermarket and thought it had no topping. He was holding it upside down. The store tried to turn it right, but he insists never-the-less that it was the store's fault for not having a label indicating which side of the pizza is up.
Update: May 7, 2009 @ 01:16 GMT Got $9.2M To Throw Away? How About A Painting With Nothing More Than 8 Black Lines? Only $1.15M Per Line A waste of money? Seems black and white to us Here is a picture of a painting that
just sold at Sotheby's 2009 Art Auction for
$9,266,500.
It would be fine if someone spent over $9M for something worthless if that $9M would do some good. But when it's just passed from one rich dude to another rich dude it's a sad waste. If the money was used to buy $9M of groceries or cars or something where it was put back into the economy, we wouldn't mind so much. Update: May 4, 2009 @ 23:41 GMT Big Meeting?? Slides? check! Projector? check! Turned off Screen Saver? Doh! 31 second vid. Not safe for your work either Titillating look into the mind
of a man who forgot to turn off his screen saver.
Not safe for your work either.
Update: May 4, 2009 @ 14:08 GMT Hand Over Your Money And Your Life. Chinese Local Officials Must Smoke 230K Packs Of Cigarettes/Year Or Be Fined Are they trying to smoke out excessive local government? Gong'an county government
officials in the China Hubei province have ordered their staff to
smoke, in total, 230,000 packs of the local cigarette brand each year
for the benefit of the local economy. Both apparently in
terms of increased revenue and decreased population.
Australian Broadcasting Corp 4-May-09 Click here for original story Local UK Council Orders 6-year-old To Stop Making Pebble Dams In A 2 Inch Deep Creek, Citing Flash Flood Danger `We can't have people doing this sort of thing willy-nilly' A
6-year-old boy was ordered by a local UK council to stop building
pebble dams in a 2 inch deep creek because, they claim, the
pebbles could cause a "flash flood."
The boy's father, Rob Johnson, was left stunned. "Daniel doesn't make proper dams. It's just a few pebbles in a row that water flows around." But the Nettleham Parish Council is sticking to their story, "We can’t have people doing this sort of thing willy-nilly. We are very concerned about the potential consequences of flooding." It seems the creek is not the only thing that runs shallow in Nettleham. Sunday Express 2-May-09 Click here for original story Lazy
Florida Thief Phones Area Fast Food Restaurants
Asking
Them To Bring Him Cash. No, He's Not The Bonehead.
It's Been Working Like A Charm! Someone in Clay and Duval
Counties in Florida, has simply been calling
local McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and Subway restaurants and
telling employees that he either owns the store or is the District
Manager, and that they should leave money for him at various
local locations, including, one time, some mailbox somewhere.
And deliver
it they did, having no idea what-so-ever that it was a trick, if you
even want to dignify this by calling it a trick. Update: April 26, 2009 @ 16:24 GMT Bone Chips Some bone chips in the
fractured
world of boneheads:
Update: April 25, 2009 @ 15:07 GMT Man
Is Billed $62K By Cell Company To Download Wall-E. Realizing
How
Embarrassing This Is, They Reduced It
To $17K So, you purchase a data card for
your laptop that gets you access to
the cellphone network and you decide to download a movie. You
figure that whilst it will probably be pricey, it's not like
it's
going to cost hundreds of dollars. And you'd be right, of
course.
It will cost you thousands of dollars.
Sixty-two
thousand dollars, actually, if you do it from another country.
The phone company says it cost them $17K to download the movie. In all fairness to Verizon, the article doesn't mention the actual phone company, although it could very well be Verizon, because they all charge these same outrageous rates. And, yes, it isn't the cost of the movie, per se, but the cost of the time on the Internet, but still... So, let's reason this out. The reason people fall into this trap is that they assume that their phone company wouldn't be stupid enough to pay someone $17K for a movie and so something like this couldn't possibly happen to them. But not only are the phone companies dumb enough to pay $17K for a movie but they think you're dumb enough to throw in an extra $45K just for them. Back in my day, a "carrier" was someone like Typhoid Mary. Today a "carrier" is what you call a cell phone company. In either case, it still refers to parasites. ARS Technica 24-Apr-09 Click here for original story Hospital ER Staff Leaves
Collapsed Man Outside Their Door And Calls 911 Instead, Citing Patient
Safety Concerns A man in a hospital gown who
collapsed just outside the emergency room door of City Hospital in
Saskatoon, Canada, was left on the ground while ER staff phoned up 911.
"There was no
attempt on their part [City Hospital ER staff] to assess the patient's
condition,
to get a gurney or back-brace to the scene, or even to rush out and
triage the patient." I prefer to use the word
"victim" instead of "patient."
When stupid people control the hospitals The city says this is standard procedure. That the staff at the emergency room are not trained to deal with medical emergencies. They say that if the staff leave the hospital they might hurt themselves or the victim. Better the man should die or suffer unnecessary injury. The Canadian Health Minister, Don McMorris, in response, says he is going to contact Canada's 12 health regions and explain that common sense needs to be used when following procedures. Good luck with that! The Star Phoenix (Saskatoon, Canada) 22-Apr-09 Click here for original story Update: April 18, 2009 @ 14:55 GMT Bone Chips Some bone chips in the fractured
world of boneheads:
Update: April 18, 2009 @ 02:25 GMT What Is The First Thing
You Should Do After The Duchess Of Cornwall Goes Potty At Your Pub?
Why, Put The Toilet Seat Up On eBay, Of Course Pub
owner, Chris Azerkane, of Framfield, East Sussex, England, was so
excited that Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, visited her pub and used her
toilet that she did two unprecedented things:
Click here for the original story Update: April 18, 2009 @ 01:29 GMT AP: You Made Art From Our
Photo Without Permission Artist: But You Always Use Photos Of
My Art Without Permission Recently
the Associated
Press, because the strategy worked so well for the RIAA, has
begun a campaign of legal action against anyone it feels is violating
its intellectual property rights. Without giving it much of a
thought. Apparently. Update: April 17, 2009 @ 02:20 GMT Taking Pictures While
Visiting London? You Better Believe That's An Act Of Terrorism "There's
a reason you separate military and the police. One fights the enemies
of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the
military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the
people." -- The Gospel of Admiral Bill Adama
Did You Survive A Mass
Shooting? Don't Forget To File A Grievance For
Missing Your Lunch Hour
14
people were left dead after a shooting spree on April
3rd in Binghamton, NY. Yet, one man, who remained inside the
Department of Social Services, safe and sound, felt that during the
shooting someone should have been concerned about his missing his lunch
hour and so he filed a formal complaint demanding that he get paid for
the missed hour. Update: April 14, 2009 @ 01:37 GMT "The Aroused Elephant Ruined My Honeymoon Because He Made Me Feel Inadequate" And Other Travel Complaints "The beach was too sandy" Now we can all enjoy the vacations that dumb people take, thanks to Thomas Cook and the Association of British Travel Agents, who keep track of the bonehead complaints they receive from returning travelers. Dumb and feeling inadequate is no way to go through life, son. For your enjoyment, tales of people's dumber vacations:
News.com.au (Australia) 13-Apr-2009 Click here for the original story Got A Pine Tree Growing In Your Lung? It's More Likely Than You Think A weird extra report 28-year-old,
Artyom Sidorkin, of central Russia, had a 2 inch (5 cm) fir
tree growing inside his lung.
Apparently the hapless Sidorkin had breathed in a seed or small bud. He sought medical help for severe pain and because he was coughing up blood. Initially doctors suspected cancer but their suspicions changed when the biopsy contained "green needles." MosNews (Moscow) 14-Apr-2009 Click here for the original story Update: April 9, 2009 @ 23:43 GMT Associated Press Threatens Its Own Affiliate With A Lawsuit For Using AP Content. And Then It Gets Ridiculous Meet the Internet's first embediciles Associated
Press sent a cease-and-desist letter to one of it own affiliate radio
stations, WTNQ-FM,
in Tennessee, for posting Associated Press content on their website.
This sounds stupid enough, but wait! There's more!
The content in question are videos which came from the Associated Press "official" Associated Press YouTube channel which contains embed codes allowing anyone who wants to embed the videos into their website and blog to do so. The homepage prominently displays, "Embed this channel," and offers up the embed codes. So why would they sue someone, including an affiliate, for embedding their videos?
Embediciles "Frank Strove [WTNQ employee], ... asked the AP why they would supply YouTube embed codes if they didn't want anyone to use their content. Confused by this question, the AP responded by saying it would "look into the YouTube issue" and get back to him.'" Now AP says they were just kidding. It's all a misunderstanding. "The AP was trying to offer the station a superior service for their needs." PC World 9-Apr-2009 Click here for the original story Update: April 5, 2009 @ 16:23 GMT Don't Lower The Drawbridge After 30 Seconds If Ships Need 60 Seconds To Go Under First the ship had one bridge, then two bridges, and then no bridges. 1:45 video The
large vessel, Windoc, while passing under the Allenburg bridge in
Ontario on August 11, 2001, was given 30 seconds to go under
the drawbridge. But it needs 60 seconds, at least.
Amazingly nobody was hurt, the $6M cargo was fine but the ship was a total loss. It's not just cars and trains that need to contend with bridges being down, apparently. A single use of an inappropriate word may make this not safe for work. Update: April 1, 2009 @ 20:57 GMT TV Station Needs Censor Array Adjustment After Being Fooled Into On-Air Birthday Announcements For "Anita Lay," "Willie B Hardigan" And Others Brought to you by our friends in Kirksville, Missouri KTVO in
Kirksville, Missouri, probably because there isn't enough local news to
fill a half hour, will wish anyone a "Happy Birthday" or "Happy
Anniversary," without giving it a thought. Apparently.
Some tricksters sent in some obviously fake names and got them to say things that people in Kirksville, Missouri, may not often hear on the air.. Among those recognized on this special day included:
Here is the broadcast. You may not want to play it at work. Update: April 1, 2009 @ 19:52 GMT Brought A Mobile Phone That You Found To The Police? You Better Believe That's An Immediate Arrest With Fingerprinting And DNA Swab Gives new meaning to "being in right trouble" Paul
Leicester, 18, an A-level college student, found a cell phone
and turned it over to the Merseyside Police in Southport,
UK. Oh, that's good!
No, that's bad because he was immediately arrested for "theft by finding." "The teenager was kept by Merseyside Police in Southport police station for four hours and had his fingerprints taken, along with a DNA swab and a photo for police records." He was eventually released. And what says Leicester about the incident? "I thought I was doing the right thing and had it thrown back in my face. 'I would not go to the police in future.'" That's some mighty fine police work there, Merseyside. Great job building community trust. By the way, the police chief recently won a WOW! Award for premium customer service. Here chief, another WOW! award for you, as in "Wow, what a git!" UK Daily Mail 1-Apr-08 Click here for original story Update: March 28, 2009 @ 18:44 GMT Men's Room Mugger Decides To Rob Convention Attendees, According To 300 Police Officers At The Police Convention The mugger chose a former police chief as his first (and last) victim A
Pennsylvania mugger decided to hang around a convention
center's men's room during a police convention, waiting for a victim,
with the first turning out being a former police chief. Oh.
If only there was a way to quickly find a police officer to arrest him.
Associated Press 28-Mar-08 Click here for original story Update: March 28, 2009 @ 17:11 GMT Got Headphones? Then Listen To This Amazing Audio Technology. The Virtual Haircut. It Won't Seem So Virtual. Just Keep Looking Forward As You Listen Not a "bonehead award," but a "phonehead award." An interesting extra Don't
try this without headphones. But if you have headphones, get
ready to enjoy some great audio technology. What do you think
of it? Let me know. Leave a comment below.
Update: March 27, 2009 @ 08:38 GMT Want your students to win swim races? Do you: 1) teach better technique, 2) build up stamina, or 3) throw a live crocodile into the pool? "One girl described the experience as `absolutely terrifying'" Australian
swimming coach, Mark "watch your butt" Davies, says his secret to
getting his young swimmers to "beat the clock" is by having a hungry
crocodile chase them in the pool.
 But don't worry. He has it all mathematically figured out. "Davies says he checks the croc's swimming speed first, and makes sure the swimmer has enough of a head start that the crocodile can't really catch up. " What could possibly cramp his plan? CNN 9-Oct-08 Click here for original story Update: March 22, 2009 @ 21:45 GMT If It's Sticking Up, Don't Drive A Truck It goes down after a bang, of course. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter! 15 sec. vid.
Update: March 22, 2009 @ 09:26 GMT Man Sues Himself, Another Man Sues Magician For Stealing God's Power, Plus 13 Other Schmucks Stories of 15 court jesters First
is Robert Lee Brock who sued himself for $5 million dollars for
violating his own religious beliefs by committing a crime.
And because he couldn't possibly pay, he said the
state would have to pay it on his behalf. It was thrown out.
Next is Christopher Roller who sued both magicians, David Copperfield and David Blaine, for not getting his permission first (he's God, you see) before performing certain magic acts which he said required his Godly powers to achieve. In the article you can read about a man who sued Michael Jordan for looking like him (we gave a Bonehead Award for this a while back), a town in Turkey, named "Batman," which sued Warner Brothers for using their name without permission in Batman movies, of course, and so many more. Paralegal 19-Mar-09 Click here for original story British Govt Says Bankruptcy and Homelessness Is Caused By Using The Phrase "Best Practice" See. Fixing the economy wasn't so hard. Move along now. Some 200
words and phrases have been banned from use
in local government because, "unless
information is given to people to explain what help they can get during
a recession, then it could lead to more people ending up homeless or
bankrupt," according to the Local Government Association
(LGA).
Among words and phrases now banned are:
Australian Broadcasting Corp 20-Mar-09 Click here for original story Japanese City Reclaims $250K Of Gold In 6 Months From Raw Sewage. Call It Their Pot Of Gold Bonus: City's name is Suwa A weird
extra story ....
Nobody can explain it, but a Japanese sewage plant in Suwa is flush with gold after they discovered that their sewage is flush with the precious metal. In the past 6 months they've extracted $250K worth of it. Now they are rich. See, "waste not, want not." Australian Broadcasting Corp 18-Mar-09 Click here for original story Update: March 18, 2009 @ 09:53 GMT Resist The Urge To Burgle The Neighborhood While Wearing An Ankle Monitor Recording Every Detail Of Your Whereabouts "We were able to ... pinpoint right down to the rooftops" A
Florida teen, free pending his trial for burglary under
conditions that he wear a police location monitor, decided to burgle
the neighborhood, according to the police computer which said, "and
then he went to this house, and then this house, ..."
ABC Action News 13-Mar-09 (Tampa, Florida) Click here for original story Update: March 7, 2009 @ 11:13 GMT Might Want To Rethink That Old Expression, "Stay On Track Kid" In Our New YouTube Era How to be "on track" and "off track" at the same time. 56 sec. video
Don't Complete Something Called The "Dartmoor Devil Endurance Event" If Claiming You Were Too Ill To Answer Your Bosses Phone Calls For 92 Days Saying attempts to reach you was a "campaign of bullying" will not get your job back either A
UK IT worker, Andrew Hamlyn, 54, who claimed his severe lung
infection made him too sick to answer his bosses phone calls and emails
for 92 days, and who was photographed completing the 66 mile
bike
challenge called the "Dartmoor Devil Endurance Event," 21 days into his
"illness", claimed unfair dismissal in court.
He claimed,
The Daily Mail (UK) 6-Mar-09 Click here for the original story Update: March 3, 2009 @ 20:47 GMT British Giant, Tesco, Refuses Alcohol Sales To Parents The fun never begins until stupid people do law enforcement British
super giant retailer, Tesco, is committed to
trying to stop adults from buying alcohol for minors. So ...
Tesco refused to sell 2 bottles of wine to Karen Dumelow, 46, because she might give them to her 14-year-old daughter who accompanied her shopping. Dumelow appealed the cashier's refusal to 3 senior staff members at the Portsmouth store, but they all agreed it was too risky to sell her the wine. But wait! There's more! When she left the store and immediately returned without her daughter, what do you think? Yep, no problem selling her the wine! "I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was crazy. Do you have to leave your children at home if you want to buy alcohol now?" said Ms. Dumelow. "The part that incensed me the most was that literally one minute later I bought the wine from the same till - it was unbelievable." After she sent a letter of complaint, Tesco sent her an apology for hiring stupid people. "We work hard to prevent under-age sales, including proxy sales where adults purchase alcohol for under-18s. However in this instance we got it wrong and sincerely apologise.'" The Mail (UK) 03-Mar-09 Click here for the original story Update: March 1, 2009 @ 19:05 GMT Try Remembering To Print On Both Sides Of Your Fake Money When Buying Drugs From An Undercover Officer It did buy extra jail time though A
21-year-old Erwin, Tennessee, man, whose wit is a half dollar shy of a
full dollar, was arrested on drug and money counterfeiting charges
after he tried buying OxyContin from an undercover police officer using
money he printed himself. Much of his fake money was only
printed on one side.
Dude, you are doing it all wrong! MSNBC 28-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Thank you Kathy Perry !! Irish Police Could Not Figure Out How A Man With 50 Traffic Violations And 50 Different Addresses Was Never Caught The answer was under their noses all the time Irish
police have been trying, in vain, to catch a Polish man who had
seemingly racked up 50 traffic violations, providing 50 different
addresses, and who somehow managed to escape capture at every traffic
stop. But the mystery has been solved.
Have a look at this Polish driving license. If you were an Irish police officer, what name would you be inclined to write down?  If you said "Prawo Jazdy," then go stand over there with the Irish police. Prawo Jazdy is indeed the man they have been looking for. But "Prawo Jazdy" in Polish means, "Driving License." The European Union should standardize the driving licenses of its member countries. Australian Broadcasting Corp 20-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 28, 2009 @ 03:16 GMT Alabama Ordered To Pay $177K Back Pay To A Woman For A Non-Existent Job A "Justice is blind, but only because it has its head up its butt," bonehead award Montgomery,
Alabama, County Circuit Court Judge Truman Hobbs Jr. has ordered
Alabama to pay former state legislator Sue Schmitz $177K in back pay
for being "improperly
fired" just days after she was convicted in Federal court of several
felonies including receiving pay for the non-existent
job.
"We're going to do everything we know to do to keep from paying Sue Schmitz one more dollar," said Bradley Byrne, chancellor of the state's two-year college system. "We have more uses for $177,000 than giving it to someone who did nothing to earn it." Schmitz was found guilty Tuesday of three counts of mail fraud and four other counts, one being the collecting of pay for the non-existent job. Gives new meaning to the term, "criminal justice." The Birmingham News (Alabama) 27-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Ryanair Airlines Wants To Charge £1 Per Toilet Visit Gives new meaning to the word, LOOting Art imitates life
In art, Shakespeare's, The Merchant of Venice, describes a vengeful greedy creditor who tries to exact a pound of flesh. In life, there's Ryanair Airlines, which, under certain circumstances, will seem to some to be trying, as well, to exact a pound of flesh. Wanting to firmly associate their reputation forever with toilets, Ryanair Airlines, the budget airline, announced they are seriously considering charging one pound sterling (now worth $1.42) for each toilet visit. What could possibly go wrong? What if you don't have a pound coin? What a stupid question! "I don't think there is anybody in history that has got on board a Ryanair aircraft with less than a pound," says Ryanair's chief executive Michael O'Leary. And if anyone knows what money is in your pockets when you board their planes, it's Ryanair. "Charging people to go to the toilet might result in fewer people buying overpriced drinks on board, though - that would serve Ryanair right," says Rochelle Turner who heads research at Which? Holiday. In the future, if you fly Ryanair, you could possibly be one of those rare individuals who get to experience two holding patterns at the same time. Lancashire Evening Post (UK) 27-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 26, 2009 @ 23:06 GMT If You're A Parking
Enforcer And You See A Body In The Back Seat Of An Abandoned Car, Do
You: A) Call
For An Ambulance?
B) See If The Person Needs Assistance? or C) Put A Parking Ticket On The Car For The 7th Time And Leave? City
says it's because parking enforcement officers are not trained to
notice dead bodies
An
abandoned car in Gainesville, Florida, with a dead body in the back
seat, was ticketed 7 times by city parking enforcement officers.
The number of tickets would have gone higher but a local resident called police to report the body. Associated Press 26-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 26, 2009 @ 21:42 GMT Man Shoveled Sidewalk But Got $111 Fine For Not Shoveling The Lawn. Yep, It's The Law in Laureldale, PA The Lawn Ranger wrote on the ticket, "Resident failed to shovel grass" Why does
the government hate grass so much?
A Laureldale, Pennsylvania, man, Gary Lutz, was fined $111 for not shoveling his lawn. He is the first to be so ticketed since the law took effect in 1962. Now he's heading to district court to get the fine overturned. And what were Laureldale lawmakers thinking when they made this law? Apparently, nothing. The Reading Eagle (Pennsylvania) 26-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 25, 2009 @ 02:22 GMT Houston Planned to Pay Off Debts Of First Time House Seekers To Artificially Boost Their Credit Scores Because it worked so well with sub-prime mortgage lending Houston,
Texas, Mayor, Bill White, has dropped plans for the city to
pay off some of the debts of first-time home buyers as a way
to artificially raise their credit ratings so banks can be fooled into
providing them home mortgages. But dropped only after a loud
public
outcry ensued.
Maybe using the money for education so some intelligence might find its way into government might be a more appropriate use of all their spare money. Why did they think this was a good idea? The Nobel laureate level economic experts which make up Houston City government have decided that banks are being too tough on people and should have lower lending standards. So reverting to fraud and subterfuge to put banks at higher economic risk is apparently justifiable. "We don’t talk to them about this unless their credit score is pretty close ... " Houston Chronicle 24-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 21, 2009 @ 01:22 GMT Go To Jail For Unplugging Your WiFi Router? It's More Likely Than You Think Bills in both houses make turning off your wireless router illegal "It's
a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for." -- Will Rogers
Yes, it is so. Both senate bill S.436 and House bill H.R.1076 will make it a federal crime for anyone, including you, to not retain a log, for two years, of everyone who has connected to your wireless router within the past two years if they dynamically acquired an IP address so they can get access to the Internet. That log is kept within your wireless router and so .... You have to keep it turned on for at least 2 years after the last time you use it. "Translated,
the Internet Safety Act applies not just to AT&T,
Comcast, Verizon, and so on--but also to the tens of millions of homes
with Wi-Fi access points or wired routers that use the
standard method
of dynamically assigning temporary addresses. " Had a power outage? Oooh. Bad luck, you! Why won't anyone think of the children? The claim is that this law is needed to protect children from Pedophiles. CNET News 19-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Don't Answer Your Cell And Start Explaining What Went Wrong In Your Prior Operation While Your Next Eye Surgery Patient Is Awake On The Table Patient bolted from the table and didn't return. Doctor to get HMO award. A
patient ran from the operating theater when his eye surgeon answered a
cell phone call and began explaining what went wrong in the prior
operation. The patient, who was awake and lying on the
table at the time, didn't like what he was hearing and he ran from the
theater.
Having a "Doctor on call" did not, this time, comfort the patient. Northern Territory News (Australia) 20-Feb-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 16, 2009 @ 00:43 GMT "Doing Your Business" In A Police Station Men's Room Stall Never Refers To Your Phone-Based Drug Business Man's drug business is in the toilet ... again. A 24-year-old man was arrested
by the Everett, Washington, police when
several officers overhead him making drug deals on his cell phone
whilst sitting in one of the men's room stalls.
LOOs lips got him in trouble. The Herald (Everett, Washington) 29-Jan-09 Click here for the original story Update: February 14, 2009 @ 21:19 GMT A man, unable to get through the bleeping security gate at the airport takes, a unique path to a solution. 27 second video In other news, HMOs
report that a new low cost diagnostic
technique based on state-of-the-art aeronautics technology which
replaces more expensive x-ray diagnostic services, has
recently
been discovered on the Internet and will soon become mandatory for
their
members. And that the facilities employing this technology
are conveniently located near airports. No appointments are
necessary. But members will be asked to refrain from
displaying any sense of humor at all whilst on-site.
Some small bone chips...
Send
A Check Written On An Unwashed Kitchen Table? That's A Full
Hazmat Alert With Quarantined Police And Evacuation
I'm
not pudding you on!
A
Colorado Springs, Colorado, man who simply describes himself
as "not a clean person," caused a full hazmat alert, which
included the quarantining of two police officers, when he paid his $35
parking ticket with a check he wrote out on his "messy kitchen table."
Apparently some Jello-brand instant vanilla pudding powder
came along for the ride.
The proof of the pudding The alert continued until special infrared sensor equipment could be called in which then identified the unknown powder as pudding powder. ABC, Channel 7 News (Denver, Colorado) 13-Feb-09 Click here to read the original story Update: February 12, 2009 @ 01:37 GMT Slow Witted + Fast Train = Lost Sole He could have lost his soul, but fate settled for his sole instead. 16 second video you'll watch at least twice 
Update: February 10, 2009 @ 01:28 GMT Report: Top Software Security Company's Websites Are Constantly Hacked. Then It Gets Embarrassing Same SQL injection attack technique is used more than once Do you trust your computer
protection to Kaspersky? Well, maybe
you should hope they don't.
A hacker on Hackersblog.org has presented evidence that he hacked into the US Kaspersky website using a simple SQL injection technique, previously used some months earlier to hack into a different Kaspersky website, to gain access to "EVERYTHING: users, activation codes, lists of bugs, admins, shop, etc". The hack is simply done by adding a small bit of information to the URL used to access the site. Kaspersky has admitted to the hacking. According to Gunter Ollmann, chief security strategist at IBM Internet Security Systems, "This type of critical flaw can probably be used to usurp legitimate purchases and renewals of their products - which could include the linking to malicious and backdoored versions of their software - thereby infecting those very same customers that were seeking protection from malware in the first place." The hacker said the exercise was done to show the vulnerability and no information was stolen. However hackers preceding him, may not have been so kind. "Furthermore, a Google search for "Kaspersky" on the security news website Zone-H.org reveals a string of other successful attacks on Kaspersky websites around the world.." So, what does Kaspersky do to protect your website? They act as a decoy so hackers will leave your site alone. The Age (Australia) 09-Feb-09 Click here for original story Update: February 05, 2009 @ 21:58 GMT Ooh. Empty Parking Space. Better Make A Jump For It World's worst parking job. Notice how close the back of the car is to the edge. 1:19 long video Daily Cartoon
from CartoonStock.com
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